An open letter to myself

Dear Steve,

In a few days you are going to be 40 years old. I’m sure at this stage of your life, you are asking yourself what this means and how you should handle this milestone. You may be asking yourself questions like, “Am I officially ‘old’ now?” or “Is it all downhill from here?” or “I can’t pretend to be young anymore, can I?”

I’m not sure I can provide answers to these big questions. Instead, I thought you would benefit from some clear, blunt advice, a verbal slap upside the head, if you will. For example:

1.) Quit the negative attitude about everything, already. Contrary to what your internal child says all the time, you aren’t Chicken Little and the sky most definitely is not falling (well, at least most of the time it’s not). No wonder you struggle to make friends; noone likes a negative attitude.

2.) Guilt is so overrated. Stop feeling guilty about everything, like you’re a failure in everything you do. Accept the fact that you ARE guilty and you ARE a failure and focus on how wonderful it is that in spite of all of this, God loves you for who you are.

3.) Have more fun. Even your own kids are tired of your grumpiness, your short temper, and your tendency to not want to do anything just for fun. They say to you, “Dad, why can’t you have more fun?!” LISTEN TO THEM! Lighten up and stop being Mr. Gloom and Doom all the time.

4.) Practice being thankful. You just don’t get it, do you? You are so incredibly fortunate and blessed beyond measure. You enjoy a standard of living that the vast majority of people in this world can only dream about. You have a family of your own. You have so many family members and friends who love you and care about you. You are in good health (ok, you’re tired all the time, I realize, but there are much worse things that you could have to endure, such as not being able to see, walk, or talk).

5.) Let go of all that hurt, bitterness, and anger. As I already stated, noone likes to be around a negative person. Do yourself a favor, open your eyes to the fact that YOU, not that other person or persons, are the one who is most negatively affected by holding grudges or bitterness. Don’t wait for that other person to ask forgiveness, you forgive them, and then move on.

6.) Get over yourself and think about others more often. At least a portion of the depression that you struggle with can be attributed to self-centeredness. Navel-gazing, in other words. You want to be happier? Try serving others, try finding out how you can help someone else, and then do it. Jesus said, “Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it.” (Luke 17:33)

7.) Stop comparing yourself with others. You will never be the smartest, handsomest, strongest, whatever -est. Not that you shouldn’t keep trying to get better at some things, but understand the futility of always trying to “Keep up with the Joneses” and instead, be thankful for what you have and who God made you to be.

8.) Love your wife and kids, your family, your friends! I don’t think you love others enough, especially your wife and your children. You can never love too much, in my opinion. Love is the greatest thing. And by the way, Steve, it’s not good enough to just “think” love or “feel” love but to act out your love, to show it every day to those around you.

9.) Who cares if not everyone likes you? For just about all of your life, I’ve noticed that you’ve sought after the approval of others. You know what? The only approval you should care about is God’s. You need to think about eternity, not temporary things, and you need to look for ways in which to fulfill God’s will in this life and seek after His approval. Wouldn’t it be great to hear him say, at the end of your life here on earth, “Well done!”?

10.) Last but not least, seek out God’s will, not your own. Left to your own devices you are a sorry mess. It’s amazing but true that God loves you and wants you to accomplish great things for Him. That should be your career, your life goal.

So Steve, you are about to become officially middle-aged. Or as your wife once flatly stated, more than half of your life is already over. Big deal. Forget about what is past and look toward what lies ahead, what is truly long term. Life is hard, yes, but it is meant by the Creator of Life to be enjoyed. My advice to you is, work on enjoying life — the simple things — more and you’ll be happier than you ever thought was possible.